Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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