if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
