I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
