I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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