$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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