So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
