so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
