She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
