Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So much rum. So many feels.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
