Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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