1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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