The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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