I accidentally had phone sex last night
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
The power of my boobs compel you
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
