im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
