i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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