I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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