My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
