I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
