everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
