get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
