trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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