rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
