i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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