To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
