oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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