Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He better not be in your backpack
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
