i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she told me i tasted like america
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
