Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
