We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
