I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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