I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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