WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
