I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
