I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm too high and old for this...
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