Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
