Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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