I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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