I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
