Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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