all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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