i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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