i think my mom watched the whole time
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
