fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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