just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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