i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
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I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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