I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
