I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
