So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
