omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we're making bets on your personal life
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
