Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
