Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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