I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
