The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
where does the pee come out of this thing
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
