mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
