Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
