I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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