I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
