who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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