im drinking this country out of the recession.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
