If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
