Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
