Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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