i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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