Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
