his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
