If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
