I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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