So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
