That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
